Thursday, October 28, 2010

Let Your Light Shine

I have not posted an entry in over a month... today I felt called to post and as a friend told me yesterday when God calls you better answer LOL:)

Over the past month many changes have taken place in my life.... the most noticeable is probably the fact that I am bald. I chose to have Damola shave my head after my second treatment. Before doing so I had many people tell me to brace myself for the huge change that loosing my hair may cause."Just remember it will grow back" they would say. "Dont freak out...its just hair." I dont know how many people prayed for me to have peace with being bald but it must have been alot because I was laughing the whole time I was getting my head shaved and I actually liked it when it was all said and done.

I said all that to say this, through loosing my hair I have gained so much. Every morning I wake up knowing that I am a wife, a mom, and a child of GOD. I have duties to fullfill with all these titles hair or no hair LOL:) I dont have time to have cancer, to think about being boobless, or to worry about being bald.. God has never led me to step on the brake during this journey instead he has taught me to push the gas a little harder and witness to the people around me. He has showed me that everyone needs a reason to believe and I could be that reason for someone. If ever there is a reminded that there is a deep beauty inside that only GOD can produce when you give your heart to him. LET YOU LIGHT SHINE!!!!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My Pink Party

On Monday night my friends and family surrounded me with love, gifts, prayer, and support. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people and gifts I was completely speecheless. I tried over and over again to think that night after I got home how in the world I was supposed to thank all of these wonderful people for everyting they have, are, and will be doing for myself and my family. I came to the realization that I dont think I could ever possibly verbalize a thank you for all the love that has been poured out for us. So as a thank you to each of you I would like to take a moment to pray for each individual that has been such a great part of our support system through this tough time in our lives.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to you tonight at a loss for words on how I should thank these individuls who have such an amazing servants heart and use it to serve myself and my family. I thank you so much for the way you have blessed me by putting me in the pathway of these loving children of yours Lord. Thank you for sending committed friends who walk with me on this difficult journey and are a tangible expression of your presence. I ask that you multiply their time Lord as they take time away from their families to serve others. I also ask that you bless them abundantly as you see fit Lord. Please open the eyes of my heart Lord to see when these individuals are in need as well and mold me to be the servant to them as they have been to me. In your almighty name I pray. AMEN!!!

The pink party meant so much to me, not for the abundance of gifts or awesome food but to have all of my friends together and see what a wonderful support system God has laid out before me. I know he put each and every individual on my path of life because he knew they would serve a great purpose through my journey and I am so grateful for that. I love each and everyone of you!!! Thank you so much for being a part of mine and my families life!!

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith." Galatians 6:10

Friday, September 3, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I absolutely loved Mayo Clinic.. I had impecable care and an amazing team of doctors that treated me like I was there only patient, God had definitely blessed me! I fell in love with Rochester, Minnesota. The people there were so nice and the weather was unbelievable. I loved being there, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that going there was the best decision for me. All of that being said Ashland, Kentucky had never sounded so wonderful!!! I couldnt wait to get home to see my babies. I had been away from them for way too long!!

I did not realize what a privelage it is to be a stay at home mom until I wasn't able to do all the things I do for my girls each day. I took so much for granted! I couldnt wait to fix sippys, brush curly hair for 30 minutes, listen to whining b/c the movie in the van was skipping and most of all I couldnt wait to see their beautiful faces. I think I had a perma-smile for the rest of the evening after we returned home.

The next day we had our first MOPS meeting of the year. I couldnt wait to see everyone there. I knew I had missed everyone but I did not realize how much!! When we went into discussion groups after out speakers I realized that this bump in the road was not just me alone, I had a ton of people on this journey with me. There were so many people over the past month that were there every step of the way to pray for me and encourage me.

Psalm 23:5 "My cup overflows." At that moment I realized that my cup was like a waterfall and God had placed so many wonderful individuals in my path to help fill that cup for me and I am so thankful for that!

There have been tears and I know that there will still be some hard times to come but I am comforted in knowing that I have so many amazing, compassionate, loving, and prayerful people in my life.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Decisions, Decisions!

Options are such a wonderful thing to have in most situations in life; lots of shoes in your closet, hundreds of movie titles on netflix, new places to eat in your town. Options always seemed great until the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. All of a sudden options became a very stressful thing. For me the more informed I am about my decision the better I feel about it. There is a proverb that I love about being informed and having wisdom. Proverbs 8:11 "For wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her." I think that for a long time I felt that wisdom was gained through research and experience. That thought has definitely been altered over the past month or so.

I longed so much for a sign that my decisions for surgery and treatment were the right ones. I read every brochure, book, and website there was about the pros and cons of each and I was at one of the best cancer centers in the world but I still longed for that sign. A halo crowned angel with a brass trumpet sounding would have been perfect but as I am sure you can imagine that didn't happen. LOL:) I knew that no matter what I chose I had to feel that affirmation deep down to know that it was with no doubt the right decision.

When it came to surgery all I could think at first was I am 28 years old I do not want to go with out breasts. So I kept telling myself that the right decision was immediate reconstruction at the time of mastectomy. Between my husband and the doctors not one individual agreed with me. I remember laying in bed the night before meeting with the surgeon and telling myself that I was making the right decision but deep down I didn't truly know that. As I was drifting off to sleep Damola woke me up to say one thing... "The decision is yours babe, you have heard what the doctors have to say and I have told you how I feel but in the end this has to be your decision." I remember silently thinking "Oh your a big help!"

I woke up at 3:00am that morning in almost a panic.. I was sweating, scared and out of breath. I had definitely had a nightmare but I was so scared I couldn't even remember what it was about. I laid there for about 30 minutes thinking about the day ahead and then I realized I have not felt at ease with a decision because I never asked the most important person. At that point I knelt beside my bed and told God to take this burden from me. I knew that he could bring a peace over me that no one else could but I was so caught up in research, vanity, and control I never stopped to ask him. After I was done praying I laid in bed and it was like someone had taken earplugs and a blindfold off of me. I suddenly saw all of the signs over the past few days that led me to the right decision.

I knew I had an amazing husband but deep down I didn't want to go without reconstruction because I wanted to be pleasing to his eye. He had told me on numerous occasions that he wanted me to wait to have reconstruction. He wanted me to worry about treatment not what I looked like. My radiation oncologist had told me that radiation would not be as effective if I had reconstruction. My plastic surgeon had told me that it could effect the breast implants if I was going to have radiation. I had all of this in front of me the whole time but I couldn't see it. I realized that at that point the wisdom in one of my favorite verses came from God and the Bible not from encyclopedias and doctors. All of the wisdom they had came from our Heavenly Father as well. After about an hour of self realization I had an amazing peace over me and slept peacefully through the rest of the night.

At the end of the day I chose to have a bilateral mastectomy with delayed reconstruction. Not only as cancer patients but as humans alone we face so many monumental decisions and whatever we decide can have intense consequences so I have learned to invite God into each decision weather it seems small or large he knows the best path. Sometimes I may not like or agree with his answer but there is one thing I know. He has a divine plan for me if I follow him, and the best way to do that is to discern his voice and obey!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Stronger by Faith

Each morning I start my day out with a devotion and/or scripture and praying for the day that follows. This morning I read scripture from 1 Samuel. I had one of those light bulb moments during my time with God this morning. I have had so many people tell me how amazed they are at my strength, faith, attitude, and outlook through this time in my life and I in most instances answer with something similar to; "I give all the Glory to God or God has given me this strength, without him I would not be smiling right now." In the scripture God is referred to as the strength of Isreal. I realized that God does not just want to give me stength he wants to BE my strength.

God was Isreal's strength for a very long time but when they forgot it, they always started to fail and their lives began to be filled with destruction. I know that this is so true in my life as well.. SO many times I know that God gets me through a situation and then once everything is back to normal I try to regain control of my life instead of continueing to allow God to be in the drivers seat. This morning I vowed that I would never let that happen again. Hebrews 11:11 says that by faith Sarah recieved the strength to conceive a child. God tells us in so many ways that by faith we can recieve strength to get through absolutely anything. Join me today in deciding that today we will start recieving God as our strength by faith. It is sure to quicken our body, spirit, and soul.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Strong at the Roots!

I think everyone agrees that a house will crumble without a strong foundation. I believe the same is true for a women and her spirit. A solid lineage of strong, faithful, loving women is a hidden blessing for us as we grow into mature women ourselves. We take on the characteristics of women from even the highest branches in our family tree. I know that my mom has passed so many wonderful things to me from not only her mother but also my great-grandmother and further. I have learned how to be a great home-maker for my husband and children because of my mother and I believe she would say the same thing about her mother as well.

I say all of that because I feel that the strong spirit that I have through this battle has been passed down from woman to woman in my family until it reached me in this hard time of my life. Each of the women in my family have been through many trials and tribulations and each of them have looked up into the heavens and allowed God to carry them over each of the speedbumps, through the rapids, and right to the finish line. I have saw my mother triumph through many hardships from her own health problems, to loosing her mother, father, and only sister at a very early age. My mother and I do not always see eye to eye on everything but I think we both agree whole heartedly that Our Hevenly Father is faithful. My mother has became one of my best friends as I have grown into a women and I thank her for raising me in an enviroment where I learned that giving my life to Christ was the way to go. I know without the solid foundation she gave me in life I would not be standing as strong as I am today. Thank you mom!! I love you very much!!

My mother is an amazing, giving, talented, loving individual and I thank God for choosing her to be the woman to raise me. I dont know how I would be getting through this without her.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

For Better Or Worse!!

I have told myself through this entire journey that I must make sure to see my blessings through this hard time in my life. I have found so many blessings through this already from the wonderful support of friends and family to the closeness I have found with God through this but I think the largest blessing of all has been right in front of me from day one. That blessing is my husband. I think God knew from the time I was a little girl that I would be going through this journey at an early age and he made sure to give me a spouse that was caring, compassionate, smart, loving, and most of all a man of God. Through everything Damola somehow always knows at what time to comfort me, what time to make me laugh and what time to reassure me with the words of Christ. I could not ask for a more Amazing man to stand by my side through all of this.

I think that it is so important to step back and see how great the people in your life really are. It has been easy for me to be self-absorbed during this time in my life and I was talking to a good friend last night on the phone and she said something that made me reflect on how truly wonderful Damola is. I was telling her that the most romantic time we have right now is him showering me LOL:) She responded by saying those are the times when you all grow old together that you will look back on and think they are the most romantic times of all.

I know that he left work, our children, and home with not a second thought. He also took on every daily task of mine and his that I have had in my routine for so long without one complaint. When I stood at the alter on our wedding day I knew that the vows we took for one another were real but to see how a man turns those words into actions is the most beautiful thing a women could ask for in a husband.

Father, Thank you for my husband! I know that from the day you created me you knew he would be the perfect man for me and of course you were so right. Help me to not always be so self consumed with my needs Lord, help me to meet his as well. I know that when I am in pain, he is in pain too. Please comfort him and give him strength to continue to be the amazing caretaker he is. Multiply his time and give him a heart of wisdom!! My husband has showed more love for me than himself and I know that you are the one that makes that possible. The love he has for me is a love that is not possible without you LORD. I ask you Father to help mold me into the wife you made me to be even through cancer treatments. Holy Spirit come into my heart and home to stay and make me a joyous person for my husband to be around! In your precious sons name I pray.. AMEN

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21